Playing time might be the most emotionally charged topic in all of youth and school sports. It’s the one issue that fills inboxes, sidelines, car rides home, and kitchen-table conversations. And as adults, we all get it — watching your child sit the bench is hard. You love them. You want them to succeed. You want them to feel valued.

But here’s the truth most parents never get to hear clearly:

Playing time is earned, not guaranteed — unless the level of sport exists for the purpose of pure development. And the standards for playing time shift drastically as athletes grow older.

Once you understand the purpose of the level your child is playing in, and once you recognize the factors a coach must weigh (that parents rarely see), the picture becomes much clearer — and far healthier for the athlete.

In this article I want to lay out the 10 core principles all parents and coaches should understand about playing time, from youth sports through varsity, with a complete developmental-to-competitive chart and honest, direct explanations from a coach and athletic director’s perspective.

The Playing Time Scale: Development vs. Winning

One of the biggest misconceptions in youth and school sports is that all levels should treat playing time the same way.

They should not.

Each level has a specific purpose, and the purpose determines the expectation for playing time. When we get these levels wrong (focusing on winning at younger ages), problems occur.

Here is the playing-time scale every parent, coach, and athlete should understand:

The Playing Time Purpose Chart

(Feel free to use this graphic in parent meetings, program handbooks, and onboarding.)

Why Parents Get Confused

Because youth sports and high school varsity look similar on the surface — uniforms, games, referees, scoreboards, and the past few years their kid has been playing a good amount — but in purpose, they are completely different worlds.

Youth is developmental. Varsity is competitive.

Once parents accept the purpose of the level, playing-time decisions suddenly make sense.

The 10 Things Parents Must Understand About Playing Time

1. Youth Sports Should Never Be About Winning — Only Development

Youth sports exist to:

• Teach fundamentals

• Teach rules

• Teach teamwork and coachability

• Build confidence

• Help kids fall in love with activity

At this age, no one knows who the “best” athletes will be later. Puberty changes everything — strength, height, coordination, speed, even interest.

That’s why equal playing time is essential at the youth level.

Coaches at this level should have 3, and only 3 focus points:

• make sure the practices and games are as safe as possible

• make sure the kids have fun, and learn to love the sport enough that they want to play next year

• teach the kids enough so that they'll be ready for next year

If a youth coach benches certain kids just to win, here is the honest truth:

A youth coach who sacrifices the development of the entire team for a Saturday trophy should not be coaching.

2. Junior High Still Belongs Mostly to Development, Not Wins

Junior high, grades 7–8, is a transition period.

This is the first time effectiveness, coachability, and skill level start to affect playing time — but it should still be heavily developmental.

Playing time should never be “varsity-style” in junior high. Kids are still learning, growing, figuring out what their bodies can do.

The purpose at this level is:

• Build all players’ confidence

• Prepare athletes for high school

• Start teaching systems and roles

• Give meaningful minutes to everyone

Winning is nice, but development is still the priority.

3. Freshman Year Is a Slightly Higher Focus on Winning — But Still Not Varsity

Freshman teams should be:

• Still developmental

• Mostly preparing kids for varsity expectations

Some kids will naturally rise faster. Some need time. Some need physical growth. Some need emotional maturity. Some need confidence.

The purpose of freshman sports is not to cut to a small, good roster and crush other schools. It’s to grow athletes into high school competitors.

Coaches should still plan to give all athletes playing time — but now it is earned.

Here's one thing that most coaches will not admit to parents:

Freshman level sports also serve a purpose for some kids, and parents, to (hopefully) start to understand - this sport isn't your thing...

4. JV Is the Most Misunderstood Level in School Sports

Here’s the honest truth parents almost never hear:

It does not exist to equally develop all athletes.

At the JV level:

• Coaches know who is likely to play varsity

• Practices are designed around future varsity needs

• Playing time is earned through demonstrated readiness

• The team’s style of play mirrors varsity

• Minutes are concentrated toward likely varsity athletes

That does not mean coaches ignore the other kids. It means the purpose is different.

Some players at the JV level will get limited minutes — not because they’re bad kids or bad teammates — but because they simply are not projected varsity contributors yet.

This is normal. This is healthy. This is how athletic programs function.

5. Varsity Playing Time Is About Winning — Not Equal Opportunities

Varsity is different.

Varsity coaches are hired, evaluated, and retained based on:

• Competitiveness

• School pride

• Program results

• Culture

• Player development

• Sportsmanship

• Reputation

• Community expectations

• And many other things...

Varsity is the top of the mountain. Varsity is earned.

And at this level, the coach is obligated to choose the lineup that gives the team the best chance to win.

Not the lineup that makes everyone happy. Not the lineup that rewards effort alone. Not the lineup that balances minutes. Not the lineup that gets the coach, and athletic director fewer emails.

They create the lineup that wins.

6. Parents Do Not See Practice — and Practice Determines Playing Time

This might be the most important truth of all:

Parents see:

• Games

• Stats

• Wins/losses

• Substitutions

• Outcomes

Coaches see:

• Who is most likely to help the team win

• Who knows the plays

• Who can execute under pressure

• Who is coachable

• Who listens

• Who is consistent

• Who causes drama

• Who complains

• Who works hard

• Who makes others better

• Who mentally melts in tough moments

• Who attends or misses practice and workouts

• Who leads

• Who takes shortcuts

• Who competes well in drills

• Who responds to correction

• Who is respectful to teammates

• Who treats managers and trainers with kindness

• Who understands the system

• Who performs in scrimmage

• Who is safe to put on the court or field

  That's all I can think of right now...

  
  

Parents judge the game minutes they see. Coaches judge the months of work they’ve evaluated.

7. Parents Don’t Know the System, The Strategy, or the Roles

Playing time is not just about talent.

It’s about:

• Understanding the playbook

• Reacting in system

• Being in the right place

• Knowing the reads

• Knowing defensive rotations

• Executing assignments

• Being trustworthy in key moments

• Not panicking

• Not freelancing

• Not hurting team chemistry

Sometimes the “better athlete” sits because:

• They don’t understand the concepts

• They forget plays

• They can’t execute the game plan

• They make teammates worse

• They take low-IQ risks

• They’re inconsistent

• They’re emotionally unpredictable

• They lack discipline in key areas

Parents cannot see this from the bleachers.

8. Coaches Must Coach the Team — Not Just Your Kid

Parents are emotionally invested in one player. Coaches are responsible for 12–60 players.

Parents want their child to succeed. Coaches must balance:

• Safety

• Skill levels

• Team chemistry

• Roles

• Substitution patterns

• Situational needs

• Matchups

• Clock management

• Injuries

• Energy and leadership

• Off-field dynamics

• Academics and eligibility

• Who practiced well

• Who earned trust

• Who is ready

• Who fits the moment

Coaches cannot — and should not — make decisions based on who has the loudest parents or who is paying the fees.

Their responsibility is to the program, not individuals.

9. Parents Must Ask Better Questions — Not “Why Aren’t You Playing My Kid?”

When a child complains about playing time, the parent’s reaction often becomes emotional and protective. But emotional reactions rarely lead to good decisions.

Instead, teach your child to ask themselves the four questions every athlete must master when playing time feels unfair.

The Four Essential Playing-Time Questions

(This should be printed and put on every locker room wall in America.)

These questions create honesty. They eliminate excuses. They build responsibility.

If the answer to all four is “yes,” then the athlete (not the parent) should absolutely advocate for themselves respectfully with the coach. And the athlete should put the ownness on themselves; 'What do I need to improve on to get more minutes?'

If the answer is “no,” then the path forward is development — not complaint.

10. Playing Time Builds Character — If Adults Handle It Correctly

Here is a hard truth:

Your child will learn more from EARNING playing time than from being given playing time.

The lessons learned through competition include:

• Perseverance

• Accountability

• Work ethic

• Delayed gratification

• Resilience

• Mental toughness

• Humility

• Coachability

• Self-reflection

• Grit

• Teamwork

• Handling adversity

These are the traits employers beg for. These are the traits champions possess. These are the traits that last.

Protecting your child from adversity is the fastest way to stunt their growth. Supporting them through adversity is the fastest way to develop maturity.

Final Thoughts for Parents

Parents, here is your encouragement:

You love your kid. You want what’s best for them.

But wanting what’s best doesn’t always mean arguing for playing time.

Sometimes it means:

• Teaching accountability

• Comforting them after disappointment

• Helping them set new goals

• Encouraging them to earn it

• Supporting the coach instead of undermining them

• Modeling emotional self-control

• Reminding them that growth > minutes

And above all…

Remember that coaches make decisions with far more information than parents have. Remember that you are emotionally invested — and emotional decisions are often poor decisions. Remember that playing time is a privilege, not a right.

Your athlete will become stronger, tougher, and more successful — in sports and in life — not by getting everything they want, but by going to work when the results aren’t instantly rewarding.

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