As parents, we all want what's best for our children, especially when it comes to their future. For parents with young athletes, it’s easy to get caught up in the excitement of their potential. Whether it’s pushing them to be the best on the field, insisting they practice harder, or setting high expectations, the intention is often good: to help them succeed. However, there’s a fine line between encouragement and pushing too hard.
When we internalize the social structure of sports — the need to win, compete, and achieve — we may unintentionally impose this mindset on our kids. This can lead to negative consequences, affecting both their athletic performance and social lives. Let’s take a closer look at why that happens.
The Social Structure of Sports: A High-Stakes Game
The social structure of sports is inherently hierarchical, with success and failure forming the foundation of how athletes are valued. At the core, athletes are constantly measuring their worth based on performance, striving to rise up the social ranks. This pursuit of success isn't just about winning — it’s about gaining accolades and recognition, rewards that are often internalized into their self-worth. The more success they achieve, the greater their sense of value. Parents, wanting the best for their children, naturally push them to succeed, believing that high achievement will ensure their future success. However, what they often fail to realize is that this drive for success, paired with the internalization of
competitive values, can lead to psychological maladaptations.
The Dark Side of Overbearing Parenting
Children raised in environments where winning is prioritized face several emotional and social challenges:
1. Neuroticism – Constant pressure to perform can lead to anxiety and self-doubt. Children who feel they must always be the best may develop a tendency to overthink and second-guess themselves in social situations.
2. Aggression – The competitive nature of sports can breed aggression when not kept in check. If a child is taught to be aggressive to win, this mentality can spill over into other aspects of life, making it difficult to form healthy relationships.
3. Egotism – When parents focus on success and winning, children can become overly focused on their achievements. This emphasis on recognition fosters an inflated sense of self-importance, leading to egotistical behavior in adulthood.
4. Difficulty Handling Failure – The reality of life — and sports — is that no one wins all the time. Children who view failure as catastrophic may struggle with setbacks and avoid situations where they might fail, limiting their growth in other areas.
The Long-Term Effects: A Misguided Framework
Each of these can significantly affect a child in their journey into adulthood. For example, in a professional setting, someone who struggles with neuroticism might constantly second-guess their decisions, which could slow down project completion and create frustration among colleagues. In relationships, a person with an aggressive & "win-at-all-costs" mentality might approach disagreements with a partner as a battle to be won, leading to constant conflict and difficulty compromising. Similarly, someone with an inflated ego might dismiss the contributions of others, making it hard to collaborate or build trust. Lastly, a person who fears failure might avoid taking on new responsibilities or challenges at
work or in their personal life, limiting their growth and hindering progress.
How to Support Your Child Without Overdoing It
So, how can parents support their young athletes without overdoing it? Here are a few key principles to keep in mind:
1. Emphasize effort over outcome – Praise the effort your child puts into practice and
development, rather than focusing on wins and losses. Show them that improvement and
growth are more important than any score.
2. Encourage balance – While sports are important, remind your child that life is about more than just being an athlete. Encourage them to explore other interests and hobbies that help them develop well-rounded skills and relationships.
3. Teach emotional resilience – Failure is a part of life. Help your child learn from setbacks and use them as opportunities for growth, rather than punishing failure.
4. Focus on relationships – Remind your child that the value of sports is not just individual
achievement but also teamwork and building connections with others. Healthy relationships,
both in and outside of sports, should come first.
Conclusion
It’s easy for parents to get caught up in the competitive world of youth sports, but it’s crucial to remember that our children’s emotional and social well-being should always come before any game. Overbearing parenting, especially when tied to the competitive framework of sports, can have lasting effects on their social lives. By focusing on effort, resilience, and balance, we can help our children develop into well-rounded individuals who can handle the challenges of life — both on and off the field.
Citations
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Author Bio
Joel Kouame, LCSW, MBA, CAMS-II, is a New York-based mental health specialist and the owner of JK Counseling. He specializes in anger management, trauma, depression, and anxiety, offering trauma-informed, evidence-based treatments such as EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing), IFS (Internal Family Systems), and the Gottman Method. Joel is dedicated to helping individuals build resilience and emotional well-being through personalized care. He provides a safe and compassionate
space for healing, working with clients to address underlying issues and enhance emotional health. For more information, visit JK Counseling or follow on social media at LinkedIn, Instagram, and Facebook.
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