Blinded by Love: The Truth About Playing Time and Parental Bias in Sports

We’ve all heard it—or maybe we’ve even said it:

"My kid should be playing more."

"He works so hard. He just needs a chance to show what he can do!"

"She’s just as good as that starter."

These thoughts are completely natural. In fact, they’re rooted in something beautiful: love. But that same love can sometimes cloud our judgment, especially when it comes to youth and high school sports.

In the world of youth and high school sports, there’s no stronger force than a parent’s love. It’s what drives early morning practices, endless carpools, and late-night pep talks. But that same love can unintentionally cloud how we view our child’s role on the team—especially when it comes to playing time.

This natural and common phenomenon is what I refer to as “love blinders.” That’s not a judgment—it’s an explanation. And it can help all of us, especially sports parents, better understand the emotional lens through which we see our kids and their athletic experiences.

What Are Love Blinders?

“Love blinders” are the subconscious filters parents develop from watching their children grow, work, and compete. They form through years of investment—emotional and otherwise. You’ve seen your child overcome struggles, put in hours of work, and battle through disappointment. So when they don’t get the playing time you believe they deserve, it doesn’t just feel unfair—it feels personal.

That feeling is valid. But it may not always align with the reality coaches see day to day.

Why the Disconnect Happens

What coaches and parents see can be very different. Here's a simple truth: your love sees effort, not always execution and you see much more of the positive and perceived potential—and that’s okay. Love focuses on the journey. Coaches have to focus on the game plan.

Coaches watch athletes through a different lens:

• Performance in practice (consistency, focus, execution)

• Team chemistry (attitude, communication, leadership)

• Game readiness (tactical fit, decision-making under pressure, proper positioning based on scheme, etc)

• Effort in unnoticed moments (conditioning, warm-ups, non-glory roles)

And while parents often only see the games, coaches see everything else. It’s their job.

The graphic below offers a side-by-side look at what matters most to each group when it comes to playing time:

The Emotional Weight of Watching From the Sidelines

When your child doesn’t play as much as you hoped, it’s natural to feel a little helpless, maybe even defensive. You want to shield them from pain. That’s what parents do.

But here’s a deeper truth: adversity can be a gift in amateur sports. Sitting on the bench, facing competition, learning to ask, “What can I do better?”—these are powerful moments of growth. The best athletes—and the best adults—learn how to respond to challenges, not avoid them.

As parents, we can’t, and shouldn't remove all obstacles. But we can walk beside our children as they navigate them.

How to Take Off the Love Blinders (Even Just a Little)

You don’t have to be completely unbiased. In fact, it’s probably not possible. But there are a few things you can do to gain perspective and help your child thrive:

1. Be Curious, Not Combative

Instead of jumping to conclusions or complaints, ask questions. Encourage your child to talk directly with the coach:

“What can I improve to earn more time on the field?”

That kind of question builds trust and accountability. And coaches should be able to answer that question.

2. Separate Effort From Entitlement

Just because your child works hard doesn’t mean they’re entitled to minutes. Effort doesn't always equal outcome. In a competitive setting, everyone is working hard. Playing time comes from execution, not just effort.

3. Use Video to Gain Objectivity

Try filming a game and watching it back later. You may see things you didn’t notice the first time. It’s one of the best ways to view your child’s performance through a coach’s eyes.

4. Focus on Growth, Not Glory

Ask yourself: What do I want my child to gain from sports? Confidence? Resilience? Teamwork? Leadership? Those things can be built just as much—if not more—during hard seasons than during high-stat ones.

5. Watch the Whole Team, Not Just Your Kid

When you shift your focus from “my kid” to “the team,” you’ll better understand the coach’s decisions—and you’ll likely gain more respect for the full effort behind each game plan.

A Note to Coaches

Coaches, parents don’t speak up because they want to make your job harder. They speak up because they love their kids. If you lead with empathy and communicate clearly—even when delivering hard truths—you’ll turn tension into trust more often than not.

Playing time will always be a sensitive issue, but how we respond to it—as parents and coaches—can set a powerful example.

Love Without Losing Sight

Being a sports parent is tough. You care deeply, you see the effort behind the scenes, and you just want your child to feel seen and rewarded. That doesn’t make you difficult—it makes you loving.

But love alone doesn’t always tell the whole story.

The key is balance. Cheer for your child. Advocate when necessary. But also trust the process, support the coach, and teach your child how to respond with grace, grit, and growth.

In the end, the lessons your child carries with them won’t just come from playing time. They’ll come from what they learned through it all—on the bench, in the game, in the locker room, and at home.